If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
