he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
