put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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