I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
