You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
