Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
