Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
