hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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