now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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