Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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