Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
