I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize