so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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