i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
