Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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