I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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