i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
