Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
