Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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