I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
