Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
