found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
