apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
