There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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