if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
