hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
