just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
