and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
