Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
