Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
