If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
