He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
