i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
