: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
