i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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