FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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