Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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