2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
