I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just invented taco cereal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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