I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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