I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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