Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
