Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
