So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
