Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
