I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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