I heard we made out
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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