All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
