You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
