Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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