2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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