i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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