im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
