He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
