I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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