I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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