just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
