we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
