I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
