Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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