at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
