look no pants
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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