She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
