These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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