I think im going to throw up on grandma
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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