I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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