My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
