Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize