hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
