i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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